Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Secret to Looking Good In a Swimsuit

“They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.” - Cindy Crawford

We are headed to Kauai in a week.   (***Happy Dance!)

Mr Self Care and I planned this vacation back in January and believed at that time that we could be ready for swimsuits and day hikes in Waimea Canyon by May.   Just needed to start working out and eating healthy...

We started...and we stopped...and we started again...and stopped.   Now here we are with a week left and I am certain that we are not in any better physical condition than we were in January when we started our campaign.

Sadly, there is nothing we can do at this point to remedy the situation.   We are fat and out of shape and no amount of starvation dieting or last chance workouts is going to fix that.   Our only consolation is that we are going to Kauai. (which is a pretty fabulous consolation, really).

I am sure that we are not the first or the last people who have experienced this.   The pre-vacation weight loss campaign is fairly common and typically fails (granted, some of us do make it to just after the vacation to change back to our old negative eating and exercise habits...)   It is clear that we need to establish a more compelling reason for lifestyle change than a single tropical holiday.

Mr Self Care and I agree that we should make a few changes this week because we don't feel too good physically.   It is certain that we will feel better come next Saturday if we do something beneficial to our health this week- even if we don't see dramatic results in our appearance.    So we did agree to be good this week.

While in Kauai, I am planning some extreme relaxation and rejuvination-this is the real reason for the vacation.   We may not look pretty in our swimsuits, but I have a theory that if we can find another couple that looks fatter than we do- we may slip under the radar (*insert evil laugh here).  

When we return, we will explore a more successful approach to improving our physical health.   For now I have compiled a little guide for anyone finding themselves in the same boat (where you feel as big as a boat) like we do.

How to Look Good In A Swimsuit When the Pre-Vacation Diet and Exercise Routine Failed:

1) Sit next to someone larger than you (it is an idea worth repeating)
2) Wear a wild hat or something to draw eyes upward and distract
3) Make sure you have a beautiful swimsuit, or at least a beautiful sarong or cover up
4) Get in the pool.   A pool of water hides a multiple of sins.  (of course you will have to get out again eventually...)
5) Focus on the fact that you are on vacation and the envy of everyone you left back at the office.   Studies (scientifically conducted somewhere I am sure) show that most people on vacation are more attractive because they are more happy and more relaxed. 
6) Smile, hold your head high, and don't be concerned about what other people think.  Confidence is beautiful.  Your true value lies in who you are on the inside.

Nobody's body is perfect (okay, a few are close to perfect- but they certainly have huge flaws elsewhere that you don't immediately see).   Be kind to yourself. 
If you have additional Swimsuit Survival tips, please let me know!

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