Friday, June 25, 2010

To Make Real Connections,You Don't Need An I-Phone

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.” – Jim Rohn

While lazing in the hotel pool on our wonderful Kauai vacation last month, Mr. Self Care and I observed a very unfortunate –albeit not uncommon- scenario. A thirty-something couple on vacation together in paradise spending all of their time apart.

We watched as the beautiful blonde (we will call her Barbie) stood leaning against a pool bar table – frou frou drink at her side as she zoned in completely on her I-phone. Her partner (who had a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger: hard not to look at) lounged in a chair at the pool about 20 yards away with his cell phone in hand, also texting.

I would like to believe that they were texting each other, however I am fairly certain they were not! The most unfortunate thing is that during the week we spent at this beautiful hotel in this fabulous piece of paradise, we could always find Barbie and Arnold in about the same configuration. We wondered what memories they would take away from Kauai. It definitely did not look like a restful or romantic vacation for either of them. They seemed busy, distracted, and oblivious to the importance of breaking free from their work (he mentioned that “corporate wanted (him) to call into a meeting”), and from the outside world, to enjoy a really meaningful vacation TOGETHER!

Friday posts are about social self-care. We need people in our lives. Spending quality time with our loved ones is good for our well-being and also one of our most compelling reasons for taking care of ourselves!

It is also a perfect time to employ some spiritual self-care, whereas you put yourself completely in the moment and give the person you are with, and the space you are occupying together, your full and undivided attention.

The person you are with will feel loved and respected and you will gain from a deepened relationship.

A few tips for spending quality time:

• Schedule one on one time. Two is company, three is a crowd.

• Go somewhere where the focus can be on each other. Ball games and movies –while enjoyable experiences- are a bit too distracting for this exercise.

• Turn off your phone! Unplug!

• Employ good listening techniques: eye contact, ask relevant questions to draw out more information, comment, repeat what has been said to ensure understanding.

• Touch. Hold hands, give a hug, pat on the head, give a smooch!.

It seems that in our busy, high –tech, ultra – connected, device driven world we are losing our ability to really connect with others. I challenge you to do something regularly to combat that trend!

Take Good Care!

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