I'll Be Home For Christmas...

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. ~Jane Austen

If you know me, you know that I am actually quite a homebody.

However, I went 2 months recently without cleaning house, doing my own laundry, or making my own bed and (shamefully), I have cooked only one real meal since September.

This globetrotting spell I have just completed, flies in the face of my domesticated “Martha-side”. (Although, I am certain Martha’s work schedule must keep her equally as busy and far from her home).

After returning from my worldwide tour, I have this overwhelming need to just be home; to sleep in my own bed, to snuggle up on the couch with Mr. Self Care, to savor the familiar smells, and sounds, and scenery that comprise my humble abode. I really don’t feel much like cleaning house, doing laundry, making my own bed and cooking- I just feel like putting on my favorite worn fuzzy pajamas and delightfully staying put.

The same is true with the holidays this year… I want to surround myself with Christmas, but I’ll have no festivities this year. My Christmas shopping was completed early- souvenirs from my travels. I made a batch of Christmas cookies and a batch of hot buttered rum mix, and I have dubbed my visiting mother in law (Head Elf, in charge of Boughs and Holly). Call me lazy, call me a scrooge, but I am letting go of a lot of little things this year that don’t really matter. I want simple. I want quiet. I want soft music, hot cocoa with little marshmallows…and, maybe, a dusting of snow.

Insisting on what you want and avoiding what you don’t want is not always easy- especially when other people (with their own diverse expectations) are involved. Choices that allow you a little comfort and joy should be prioritized along with all your other must-dos!

• Imagine yourself un-frazzled and content this holiday season.
• Take the steps toward creating that experience for yourself.
• Just say "No, that won't work for me" or "No, but maybe some other time" (Don't make excuses - just say no!)
• Don't allow yourself to be bullied.
• Don't make your needs secondary
• When you feel frazzled, get yourself some self care quick!

Waiting For The Time To Be Right

The best way to get something done is to begin. ~Author Unknown

I realized today that I can no longer wait for the time to be right to start working on improving my physical health.   It seems that I am always waiting to finish my current project, to get past the holidays, for the first day of the month or year, for my schedule to clear...etc...etc...etc... before I can start eating better and exercising.   

My cardiologist brought this to my attention today...that I have continuously had reasons why I haven't been working to get off of my blood pressure medication...that I continuously have the best intentions to do it after my life is a little less chaotic.   He suggested that maybe - if history was any indicator- that my life was always going to be a little chaotic and perhaps I should develop a plan now that takes my history into consideration.  (Wow.  That was brutal.)

He is right...I know this.    I just don't know what that plan would look like.  I guess I am still processing the realization that the timing is NEVER going to be right.   (ugh.)  

I have always held the belief that I can accomplish a lot if I focus 100% on one thing at a time.   So I have been waiting until I have the capacity to do that before I act.   There is always something that takes a higher priority than my health it seems and I know I need to change that quickly! 

I need to figure this out.  

A Follow Up to Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone.

"It is not the mountain that we conquer, but ourselves" - Edmund Hilary

Well, I did it!

2 months ago, the idea of traveling solo around the world was so scary to me.   I thought the world was so big and I was concerned about being responsible for such an important project.  I honestly didn’t know if I was smart enough, tough enough, or brave enough to succeed.

I was worried, but I did it anyway.   

Over the past 2 months, I have traveled thousands of miles; I even circumnavigated the globe on one trip.  I have logged 20 take offs and landings, experienced security and customs in 11 airports in 5 countries and I have made countless new friends along the way.   Friends who travel the world ALL the time too!  

The two projects I have conducted to date have been quite successful and I am excited to begin project #3.  I love the work- I am now very confident of my team building, team leading and presentation skills.  

I have learned that this opportunity did not require the amount of smarts, toughness or bravery that I imagined.  The key was to just do it.  When you need it, the right answers, strength and the courage will come to you.    

If there is something that you are contemplating attempting, but haven’t because you are scared, I encourage you to begin it anyway.   You will be amazed at how much you will grow!

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” – M Scott Peck

I accepted a special assignment this week that will have me doing several things over the next 8 months that make me a little uncomfortable:

• I will be travelling alone

• I will be travelling internationally

• I will be gone from 6 to 8 weeks at a time (away from Mr. Self Care!)

• I am expected to provide some high profile project management on subject matter that is not within the scope of my expertise.

While I have wanted to stretch myself for a while now, and I am excited and honored that someone has decided I am capable; inside, I am a bit anxious and worried that I am going to blow it. There is also the prospect of being out there in the world alone…going to dinner ALONE! Figuring out the lay of the land ALONE and trying to make my way ALONE in places where the culture and language are new to me.

I am putting together this survival plan in my head…

• To look at this as an adventure. Every time you step out of your comfort zone you expand it! I am going to meet new people, and have some great experiences along the way.

• To take things as they come…one thing at a time…one step at a time. The answers will be there as I require them.

• To rely upon others and ask for help when I need it. I am going to be leading a team of subject matter experts- I only have to know how to communicate and organize (which ARE my areas of expertise). I really am not so alone. I may even learn new ways to communicate!

• I am going to practice lots of good self-care.

Hug Happy

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” - Virginia Satir

Have you hugged your child today? Your spouse? A friend? Hugging is good self care, and it also benefits the person you hug!

Why hug?

Research shows that hugs (and human touch) enhance our feelings of security and well-being
Hugs reinforce our connections to each other.
Hugs tell people that you love them.

Some Dos and a Don’t of Giving and Receiving Hugs:

DO: Aim for 4, but know that the more hugs you get (and give) the better
DO: Hug first and let go last!
DO: Hug often – you can give one hug to four people or 4 hugs to one person (it all counts!)
DON’T: Be pushy- people have different comfort levels with being touched. Always ask if you don’t know someone well enough.

Take Good Care!

 
***Hug O' War is from Shel Silverstein.

Happy Duran Duran Appreciation Day!

"You listen to a piece of music and it will remind you of something-it might make you happy, it might make you sad, but it is very emotive. And I think that Duran Duran have always understood that. " -Nick Rhodes

 
Today is Duran Duran Appreciation Day!

Quite frankly the band has always given me a warm, fuzzy feeling and...well...warm and fuzzy stuff is exactly what we do here on the self care blog....it is just good self care to be a little giddy and nostalgic at times...also we are always looking for a good excuse to celebrate (and eat cake.)  Today Duran Duran is our answer, girls! 

Last year, my English husband, Simon (ironic isn't it?), took me to Marymoor Park in Redmond, Washington to see Duran Duran.   We got great seats and some pretty good pictures too.

The most striking thing about seeing these guys in person- other than just loving their music played live- is how amazing they look.   They arrived at the park dressed to the nines and just looked stunning!

Here are a few more pictures from the concert....Be sure to take some time today to pay homage, girlfriends...turn on your favorite Duran music...grab a glass of wine and do a little appreciating!  Enjoy!

Happiness Happens

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Today is National Happiness Happens Day! 

While happiness happens to all of us all the time, today has obviously been set aside with the intent of increasing our mindfulness of the joy and beauty that occurs in our every day lives.

There are two kinds of happiness I think.  The kind of unexpected happiness that sort of bowls you over...like winning the lottery, getting a promotion at work, accomplishing a huge goal, or having someone throw you a surprise party.   There is also the type which I think is more subtle-the kind I believe this holiday is intended for- the joy we feel when we are quiet and in tune with the world around us.   It is often the small things- our children's laughter, a quiet evening snuggled with our spouse, a conversation with a good friend, a walk in the park- that brings us contentment and serenity. 

You can also just make a choice to be happy.  It is raining today. For many people- especially those who may have had their plans dampened by the gloomy weather- rainy days may not very conducive of happy feelings.   You can choose to look at it as a bad omen, or put up an umbrella and enjoy the refreshing scent of wet earth and the uncrowded spaces outdoors created because everyone else is staying in.

Finally, you can create some happiness for yourself by causing happiness to happen for others.   Take a moment today to do something nice for another person.  Pay for the coffee of the person behind you, let someone go in front of you in line at the store, make cookies with your children, or give you spouse a nice massage.   Giving happiness doubles it!

Happy Happiness Happens Day!

Grumpy (but I am OK with that!)

"I'm only grouchy and moody on days that end with Y.”

Feeling a bit grumpy today, and quite honestly I have decided to just roll with it.


While it definitely makes me not very fun to be around, I can honestly say that I am not feeling very sociable anyway- I would actually like to be left alone today.

I think being in a bad mood is okay. Especially if it is fairly temporary and no one gets hurt. I have already warned the majority to stay the hell away. I have provided the “its not you, it’s me…I really just need my space” disclaimer (which may or may not be completely truthful depending on the person.) The disclaimer is somewhat effective in reducing the probing questions from people who take other people’s moods a little too personally.

I am one of those people, for sure…which is why I knew to create the disclaimer. (and shows that I really am pretty nice)

I just want room to think today (and occasionally to kick something). I know what is wrong and I know how to fix it. I just don’t like the solution very much.

The point of this post is to reinforce that it is okay and healthy to have negative feelings sometimes. Be patient with yourself when this happens. Give yourself permission to feel. Give yourself space to deal. And don’t hurt anyone.

Allowing yourself to grumble a little is good self care.

Taking A Little Life Inventory.

‎"Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don't need to escape from." ~Seth Godin

Seth Godin’s words have stuck with me this week. The quote above sort of stopped me in my tracks when I first read it.

How would this look: This life you don’t need to escape from? And why do I feel the need to escape from the current one?

For the most part I like the life I have. I have a really enviable life, a wonderful husband, loving family, great friends. We have good jobs. We travel, we attend cultural events, we eat fine food, indulge in little luxuries here and there, and our home is quite comfortable.

There are a few things I would change given the opportunity. I would like to have my own business- or more control over my work. I would like to live closer to the water. My one regret is not having a whole tribe of kid-lets. I was raised with a big extended family around- I would love to return to those days.

The “set up a life” part takes time. If you aren’t happy with your current situation, you have to decide first what part of your life is not working for you. Then you need to determine if it is within your capability to change it.

Quite frankly, even if I had the perfect life, I think I would still need a vacation. Vacations are one of my favorite things! Not everyone who wanders is lost, and not everyone who vacations is escaping.

Although I admit that Seth got me to take a little “life inventory” and there is nothing wrong with that.

3 Ways to Simplify Your Life Immediately

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” –Hans Hofmann

In honor of National “Simplify Your Life” Week…here is a simple list of 3 things you can do immediately to start simplifying your life…

1) Say NO. Your time is valuable! Spend it in ways that will bring you the biggest return on your investment. The best way to determine what those things are is to make a list of the 3 things that matter most to you. (Make sure that one of those “things” on the list is YOU.) When making commitments check your list. Does the commitment enhance the existence of something on your list? If the answer is NO- say “NO.” You do not need to make an excuse, but if you feel you must say something, a simple “No, Sorry – I am already committed” will do.

2) Count Your Blessings. The best way to forget about what you don’t have is to acknowledge what you do have. When you look at what is important, and sprinkle in some gratitude, you find that what you have right now really is enough. Cherish those things.

3) Make Some Space. Take 15 minutes and organize a drawer, clean out a cupboard, clear your inbox, empty your purse, or define a corner as your personal space. Stuff adds a lot of unnecessary stress to our lives. Always ask yourself before adding more stuff: Is this something I want or need? If you absolutely must add to your stuff – make it a habit to remove something from your space that you don’t need anymore.

Take Good Care!

10 Tips For A Happy Marriage

"My husband tells me quite regularly that he is my biggest fan. I tell him often, "I adore you." There is so much power in words. You need to celebrate regularly the passion in your marriage." - Donna Krech

I am by no means an expert on this subject, but from my own experience, these are some of the important ingredients to a happy marriage.

1) Choose the right partner. This is someone who shares your interests, supports your dreams, overlooks your faults and cares about your happiness.  (Don't marry a frog hoping that he will become a prince - that is a fairy tale!)

2) Be the right partner. (See the description above.)  Give 150%.

3) Act lovingly, especially at those moments when you aren’t feeling it.

4) Apologize when you are wrong. Forgive- don’t carry grudges.

5) Concede that you don’t always have to agree. The phrase “you might be right” is a good one to apply to those situations. 

6) Avoid situations that cause marital stress (home improvements), and show greater tolerance in those stressful situations  (family gatherings) that cannot be avoided.

7) Ask for what you need. Don’t expect your spouse to get your hints or read your mind.

8) Have regular date nights. These do not have to be expensive – a board game and finger foods, a nightly walk after dinner, or a picnic in a local park will do- the point is to have one on one alone time.

9) Give space when it is needed. Ask for space when you need it.

10) Get on the same page with your money. Money issues are the leading cause of marital strife. Develop a strategy for managing your money together and commit to it. Dave Ramsey.com is a great resource for this.


Happy 9th Anniversary to my best friend, Simon. I love you!

Focus On The Pluses & Not The Minuses.

"If you dig it don’t do it
And if you like it better leave it alone
And if it’s too much fun that outta clue you hon'
That you’re probably doing something that wrong
And if it’s too good to you well don’t let it fool you
Cause you’re playin in the danger zone
And I kept waitin and waitin for the man to finish,
but the sucker just went on and on….. on and on…. and on…..and on….. and on."

-The Uppity Blues Women , song about going to the doctor and getting advice that you need to stop everything that feels good because it's bad for you.

I finally made an appointment with my doctor last week for a check up.   (If you haven't seen your doctor for a while, make an appointment asap- regular check ups are good self care!)

My recent walking endeavor has been fairly fruitless.    Although I walk up to 6 miles a day I have only been able to lose about 2 lbs.  Losing weight is important to me, because I want to get off of my high blood pressure pills.   The conundrum I face is that I also have hypothyroidism which impacts my metabolism and makes it difficult to lose weight.  

Recently, I was reading an article about Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and found that I have a majority of the symptoms - which include hypothyroidism and high blood pressure and difficulty shedding excess weight. This is a fairly common disorder affecting about 1 in 10 women and it is a major cause of obesity and infertility.   While it is manageable, it is not curable.  The best way to manage is through a low sugar, low carb diet.     This is exactly what my doctor prescribed.    (And this is exactly what I feared.)

So I am going to be making some changes....

I was thinking yesterday that the best way to approach any necessary lifestyle change is to focus on what you are adding and not on what you are taking away.   The absence of artisan bread and cake from my diet will be very difficult to swallow (pun intended).  But I can still have yogurt and almonds and avocados, lovely virginia ham from Central Market, cheese and those wonderful summer tomatoes.    A good lean steak is also allowed and salmon and chicken and raspberries.  I think I need to make a list of these favorite flavors and make sure we are well-stocked.  

I will let you know soon how this is working for me.   Please let me know if you have anything to add on this subject.

Unlucky List of 13 : 13 Ways I Am Affected When I Don't Eat Healthy

"Garbage in....Garbage out" 

Having a challenging self care week.  

My diet has been abysmal and I have been working a lot of hours.  So this is my unlucky list of 13 ways that I am affected when I don't eat healthy and don't practice good self care (depressing- yes.  But this should serve as good warning not to try this at home!):

1)  I feel frumpy
2)  I feel bloated
3)  BLEH!
4)  We are walking in the evening still, but I can't seem to get the 6 miles
5)  I am tired
6)  I am unmotivated
7)  I am craving sugar
8)  ....and fat
9)  ....and salt
10) I am cranky
11) Mr Self Care is a dream...so tolerant and patient ( I believe he has written this off as PMS)
12) I don' want to do anything
13) I have a headache.

Nothing a salad and some detoxing won't cure!  UGH!

Empty Nests

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings.” Hodding Carter

I spent the weekend cleaning out my son's room.   It took while for me to get around to this.   Jake moved out over a year ago.   I didn't realize until I was in the midst of sorting that perhaps my procrastination had subconscious roots.  This task-that on its surface seems so simple- is rife with emotional significance.

I am sifting through the belongings that he didn't feel he needed anymore.  I have a pile of stuff to keep that might come in handy for grandkids someday.   I have a pile for charity.  I have a few boxes of belongings that I think he may have forgotten.   He told me not to worry about this, but I cannot help it.  I am a mom!

The past year has been all about letting go.  I have let go of my expectations for what he should do with his life.  (I have not let go of my hope that he will return to college someday!)  Cleaning out his room is just one more step along this journey.   These things- while sentimental- are really just things.  What is real and important will be retained even after we let them go.

The Care and Feeding of Dreams

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. - James Allen

Dreams.

Everybody has them: A vision for what the future could look like. We hope better, more positive- or just different-things will enter into our lives. We see ourselves doing different work, being surrounded by different priorities, living in different scenarios.


Few dreams just happen. Chance and Luck are relevant, but not necessary required. Most dreams take focus, hard work and persistence to come true. This explains why some people are very good at turning their dreams into reality. They recognize what is required and then set to work to make their dreams come true.

When a dream enters your life, how do you nurture it into fruition?


How to Care and Feed your Dreams:


1) Set aside time each day to just think about all the possibilities. I think well when I walk. You may find that you come up with your best ideas when you write, or do something artsy. Keeping a dream or idea journal is a great idea. Dreams and goals that are written down are more likely to be realized.

2) Dream big, dream small…Big dreams may take more effort and time, but achieving little dreams provides immediate gratification which may lend themselves well to bolstering your self esteem and setting some momentum for the tackling the larger dreams.

3) Believe you can do anything you set your mind to. You can!

4) Start. Even if you think you don’t have enough information. Even if you don’t really know what to do first. People become experts in their field by experiencing uncertainty and finding a way. You don’t have to do things like everyone else…You just have to find out what works for you! As you begin, the right direction will become clearer to you.

5) Tell others what you are doing and accept their offers to help out. Often times someone you know knows someone who can help you or has the information you need to get to the next step. Believe that the universe will provide everything you need to know. Then watch for signs!

6) If you fail, try again. View failure as information and not as a set back. You may learn 100 ways not to do things while you are sorting out the right ways.

7) Show gratitude along the way to those who help, for what is working, for what you have learned and for what you currently have.

8) Surround yourself with positive, happy, encouraging people and be that person to others! Our lives are too short to let negative, sad people stand in our way.

9) Read what others have done to make their dreams come true. Research relevant topics well so you can take calculated risks when decisions are required.

10) Celebrate your successes big and small!

Make Your Own Self Care Rules

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” -Julius Charles Hare

Running seems to be all the rage lately.

Many of my friends have taken up running just this year.    In fact, more than a dozen of my friends participated in the Seattle Rock N Roll marathon last weekend. This was the first BIG race for many of them.

I don’t run, but I thoroughly enjoyed the victorious comments of my runner friends as they reported crossing the finish line last week.   It was so inspiring to see people working and achieving their goals, and the excitement was just infectious. I am glad that I could be a part of their success- even if it was only in the context of rooting for them and giving them some sincere kudos when they finished. The whole experience made me long to join their rank.


Except for one small, teensy, weensy problem…..I am fairly certain I hate running and won’t be liking it anytime soon.

Over the last two weeks, I have let go of some of the pressures I had been putting on myself to start 5K training. When I run, my feet hurt. I am bored out of my mind. My knees ache. It is just not fun for me.  I don’t enjoy it. End of story.

Instead, I have discovered I am just a damn good walker. I can easily walk 6 miles on a weekday (more if I wasn’t time constrained) and last weekend alone I walked 25 miles in two days! When it comes to the walk….I actually, ROCK!

I am way too stubborn to admit that I can’t do something. I believe strongly that we can accomplish just about anything we put our minds to- someday I may just lace up my shoes and get focused, but for today I am enjoying my walks and I know that it is just as good for me physically.

Do not be too hard on yourself when you are working on your self-care. Self-care should be enjoyable and not difficult or stressful! Make your own rules! Pick the things that you like to do and do a little bit of it every day.  This really is the best way to take good care.

Surround Yourself With Positive, Happy People.

“The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement. Yet, almost no one gets the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the wildest dreams. We would have more than one Einstein, Edison, Schweitzer, Mother Theresa, Dr. Salk and other great minds in a century.” – Sydney Madwed.

I encountered a little negativity this week when discussing my adventures in Self Care...
To my face:

“Not to be negative….” She began, and I braced myself for what followed, (which would no doubt be very negative) “but, why would anyone listen to you on the subject of Self Care?” (OUCH!)

Behind my back (paraphrased of course):

“Is she suddenly an expert on self care or something?” she asked snidely, “or is this just her current interest, so she feels she has to tell everyone about it”

Hmmm…Do I really feel the need to justify, explain or defend myself here? Not really. I believe in what I am doing, and-really- the amount of positive feedback I have received far outweighs the two negative ones.

Some people are mean. Some people are negative and insecure and a little sad. It doesn’t matter if you are attempting to do solve world hunger or save a few dollars on your grocery bill each week by clipping coupons – everyone has an opinion and invariably those bitter people who have nothing good to say about anything will feel the need to comment.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately, for them) neither of these people know me very well. I have kept them at a distance for reasons that are probably very apparent to you now. When I heard these comments I was initially hurt…I went for a walk….and I put it into the right perspective.

“I am not an expert on self care,” I had told the first critic, “I am learning and I am actually quite average at it…. So, while 50% of women know more than I do, certainly the 50% who don’t know as much can learn along with me, don’t you think?”

I did not address the second person, but I had asked her to lend her talents to my project and I don’t think I need her help anymore.

If you are one of these people: Please recognize that you are not adding anything positive to the world by being negative. Time to look within! What is going on inside that you can’t encourage others to be the best that they can be?

If you have one of these people in your life: Distance yourself. You get to choose who you let into your circle. Choose the positive, happy, loving people who believe in you and you will accomplish amazing things.

Surrounding yourself with positive people is just good self care.

Take Good Care!

Count The Steps and Not The Pounds

“I think of my body as a side effect of my mind.” -Carrie Fisher

Yesterday, Mr Self Care and I got out of bed early to take a 6 mile walk in the park.   I got my exercise clothes on, washed my face and quickly jumped on the scale.  

Much to may dismay...the scale did not budge.   I expected that after walking 42 miles over the last week,  I would see a loss of at least 2lbs.  This seemed like a conservative estimate too.  I took a moment and composed myself, but for the first lap of our walk I was troubled: What do I have to do to lose 2lbs?  (For crying out loud??????)

My answer came- like most answers do- while walking it out.  

This walking program I started two weeks ago has been so good for me in so many ways.   I took a moment to think about the benefits I was already enjoying...

• I am proud to say that I have walked approximately 90 miles in two weeks.   This is -based on my previous sendentary lifestyle- a whopping 500% increase in activity for me.  
• Mr Self Care and I are spending quality time together for at least 2 hours every evening.  Talking, holding hands, and just plain enjoying each other's company.
• My body aches all over, but it is a "good pain" - the kind that comes when you know you have had a good work out!
• I am in the park, breathing fresh air, enjoying sunshine (when it shows itself) and nature.
• I have been spending extra time sorting out thoughts and feelings and coming up with some very good solutions and ideas in the process.
• We have become a bit more aware of our community.   Early weekend mornings, there are several fishing guide companies that launch from the boat launch behind our home (didn't know that!).  Also, I am so to touched by the family time spent in the park.

All this and it seems pretty silly to get worked up over two pounds.  Weight loss is a horrible measure of physical self care.   Too many factors come into play that affect our physical make up.   You cannot rely on the scale; you can only control your activities.   Count the steps you take and not the pounds you lose!  My body feels different - more muscular in places and a little less fat in others- so I know that something in me is shifting.

Perhaps the most important shift, however, is the one I am making in my way of thinking:   Do not get so focused on a particular destination that you overlook the other benefits your journey is providing.

Take Good Care!

31 Days of Taking Good Care

The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle. ~Author Unknown

A few months back I came across a great little website that offered a challenge called "31 days of Self Care" where participants are challenged to do something nice for themselves every day for a month and blog about it.    I contacted one of the site facilitiators and learned that this event occured in January and that they have a similar challenge each month with different topics like creativity and thankfulness. 

I thought this was a fabulous idea, and decided to create a self care girl version to begin in July.  The self care version looks like this:

• Set a goal.   It can be anything from walking a certain distance each day of July to spending 20 minutes a day in quiet contemplation.   Maybe you have been meaning to finish a quilt or to clean the garage, your goal may be to spend 30 minutes a day on that.   You get to choose whatever would be most meaningful in your life!
• Post your goal on the self care girl facebook page before July 1st (Look under discussions tab)
• Report back each day during July to provide status on your progress.

Studies show that people who write down their goals and tell others about what they are trying to accomplish are more successful in achieving thier goals.   Writing the goal down and announcing it gels your commitment, but the second part of telling others is that it lets other people encourage you and help you be successful.  

Having a daily goal is also important, because it allows you to refocus your energy on the goal each day.   I am currently participating in a program to walk 12,500 steps each day.   That is a lot of steps!  The true goal is to walk almost 500,000 steps in 6 weeks!  If I focus on the 500,000 I will most likely fail.   The 12,500 is definately a challenge, but not so daunting and I am finding it is quite do-able for me.

Another helpful hint: I am sure that most of us have set out with a goal like this:   Lose 10lbs in one month.   The problem with a goal like that it that we don't really have control of a parameter like our weight.  There are many factors that can interfer with weight loss, it is just not a good measure of progress and it can be quite defeating to get on the scale after losing 5lbs only to find that you are up 1lb after working your butt off all week! (Yes I speak from experience.)   Instead I recommend that you focus on a daily action that is within your control:  30 minutes on the Wii or 1 hour walk each evening- both can result in weight loss in the long run- but the activity is your goal and not the weight.  Got it?

Take Good Care!

To Make Real Connections,You Don't Need An I-Phone

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.” – Jim Rohn

While lazing in the hotel pool on our wonderful Kauai vacation last month, Mr. Self Care and I observed a very unfortunate –albeit not uncommon- scenario. A thirty-something couple on vacation together in paradise spending all of their time apart.

We watched as the beautiful blonde (we will call her Barbie) stood leaning against a pool bar table – frou frou drink at her side as she zoned in completely on her I-phone. Her partner (who had a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger: hard not to look at) lounged in a chair at the pool about 20 yards away with his cell phone in hand, also texting.

I would like to believe that they were texting each other, however I am fairly certain they were not! The most unfortunate thing is that during the week we spent at this beautiful hotel in this fabulous piece of paradise, we could always find Barbie and Arnold in about the same configuration. We wondered what memories they would take away from Kauai. It definitely did not look like a restful or romantic vacation for either of them. They seemed busy, distracted, and oblivious to the importance of breaking free from their work (he mentioned that “corporate wanted (him) to call into a meeting”), and from the outside world, to enjoy a really meaningful vacation TOGETHER!

Friday posts are about social self-care. We need people in our lives. Spending quality time with our loved ones is good for our well-being and also one of our most compelling reasons for taking care of ourselves!

It is also a perfect time to employ some spiritual self-care, whereas you put yourself completely in the moment and give the person you are with, and the space you are occupying together, your full and undivided attention.

The person you are with will feel loved and respected and you will gain from a deepened relationship.

A few tips for spending quality time:

• Schedule one on one time. Two is company, three is a crowd.

• Go somewhere where the focus can be on each other. Ball games and movies –while enjoyable experiences- are a bit too distracting for this exercise.

• Turn off your phone! Unplug!

• Employ good listening techniques: eye contact, ask relevant questions to draw out more information, comment, repeat what has been said to ensure understanding.

• Touch. Hold hands, give a hug, pat on the head, give a smooch!.


It seems that in our busy, high –tech, ultra – connected, device driven world we are losing our ability to really connect with others. I challenge you to do something regularly to combat that trend!

Take Good Care!

How to Celebrate Your Senses

"Observe, record, tabulate, communicate. Use your five senses. Learn to see, learn to hear, learn to feel, learn to smell, and know that by practice alone you can become expert." -William Osler

Today is National Celebrate Your Senses Day!

Yesterday was all about "Letting It Go" and today we get to focus on "Letting It In!"

Personally, I think our senses are a great thing to celebrate.   What we bring into our senses take up very little space...you can stockpile as many visions, scents, sounds, textures and tastes as you want and never run out of room (the one caveat may be "tastes" here...but I think you understand my main point!)

How to Celebrate the Senses:


• Stop! (…right where you are, and whatever you are doing!)

• Take a deep breath.

• Ask yourself these questions : 

...What do I see?

Sensual Bonus: Count all the beautiful things. Sometimes this means taking a closer look. Dive into the details! And then look at things from a distance too!

...What do I smell?

Sensual Bonus: Keep a favorite scent around you – perfume, lotion or essential oil. Scented candles are great for this! Also, stop and smell the roses…the lavender…lilacs too!

...What do hear?

Sensual Bonus: Play some classical music at dinner time; throw on some old time rock n roll when you have chores to do. Turn up the radio in your car and sing along loudly. Or, just sit quietly and take in the sounds of life around you.

...What do I taste?

Sensual Bonus: Eat luxuriously! Go slow and enjoy the flavor of your food. Make that chocolate truffle last another 5 minutes. Take some time to appreciate the flavors of natural, unprocessed foods...enjoy a ripe strawberry, an earthy, sweet carrot or a cool watery slice of melon.

...What do I feel?

Sensual Bonus: If you don’t have a favorite soft blanket of your own, or perfectly worn sweater- these I highly recommend. Pet a furry pet. Get a massage! Hugs too- are great ways to feel! Get lots of those!

• Smile and appreciate all your working senses - Our bodies and minds are amazing aren't they?

• Make a conscious effort to repeat this exercise at least once a day.

Happy Celebrate Your Senses Day!

Ideas to Celebrate National "Let It Go" Day

“You don't need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” – Guy Finley

Today is National “Let it go” Day. Here are a few thoughts to inspire you to celebrate!

Some things to let go of:

• Things you don’t have control over and cannot change. This includes other people’s choices and problems and most global issues and disasters.

• Things you don’t need.

• Things you have too many of.

• Old tapes (the ones playing in your head that keep you from being the best you can be!)

• Guilt.

• Things that don’t work. (Ideas, behaviors, habits etc...)

• Negative people.

• Other people’s expectations

• Anything that causes you unhealthy stress


How to let go (the “hard” part):

• Ask “why?” (Why do you feel guilty? Why are you holding onto things you don’t need? Why do you care about this?)

• Express your thoughts and feelings.

• Love unconditionally. (this is a state of “being”, it does not necessarily require action)

• Set limits on your time and energy and money.

• Believe that all of us find our way eventually.

• Organize a space

• Simplify

• Be true to yourself

• Forgive (others and yourself)

• If you have caused harm, apologize and ask how you can repair it, don’t assume it cannot be repaired. We all make mistakes (that shows you are human), ask if you can make it better and then do your best to repair the mistake (that shows character).

• Breathe, walk, meditate, release

I hope that you all end this day feeling a little bit lighter! Happy Let It Go Day!

Self Care Primer: Some Notes on Incorporating Self Care Into Your Life

“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” –Carl Gustav Jung

We have given the six primary areas of self-care individual focus over the last week. The 6 areas are:

• Physical: Taking care of your body.
• Emotional: Honoring your feelings.
• Intellectual / Mental: Expanding what you know.
• Social: Interacting with and loving the people in your life
• Spiritual: Answers the question “Who am I?” includes our purpose and our meaning of life.
• Volitional: Our dreams, goals, plans. What do we aspire to be?

Hopefully, as you were reading these definitions and the “self care primers” over the past week, you were also thinking about what you can do regularly to nurture yourself in each area.   Self Care is a very personal activity.  Choose activities that you enjoy, and don't do things that you don't enjoy.  Easy enough? 

Keep it simple too! The good news is that many things that you do to support one area of self care have positive impact other areas too.

For instance:

• Taking a walk:

o Walking is good for your body (physical).
o Walking alone is a great way to sort out your thoughts and problem solve (emotional and mental).
o Walking with a friend (social)
o Walking in the woods or park on a sunny day, taking in the trees and birds and nature (spiritual)
o Walking as part of a weight loss program (volitional)

It is important to add a caution here as well – support of one area of self care may result in a negative impact on other areas.

• Getting a College Degree:

o College creates opportunities and may be an important step toward your personal dreams (volitional)
o College is a great way to learn new things (mental)
o College is a great place to meet new, positive and motivated people (social)
o College is stressful (emotional, physical)
o College takes up a lot of time- late nights studying and lack of sleep is common. (physical, social)

When you make a decision about taking care of one area of your life, be aware of the positive and negative impacts you may be creating in the other areas of your life. Consider how you may offset the negative by paying some extra attention nurturing those self-care areas that may get neglected.  

If you are going back to college to get a degree, perhaps you will also want to make a daily walk in the park part of your routine!

Self Care Primer: Volitional Self Care

“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.” - Lewis Carroll

Where are you going?

This question is the crux of volitional self care. Wikipedia defines volition as the “cognitive process by which an individual decides on and commits to a particular course of action”

We all have dreams and wishes and ideals that we strive toward, but there are many reasons why we may not act on them:

• We also have our lives; commitments and responsibilities that interfere with the pursuit of those dreams.

• We don’t know what we want for sure.

• We know what we want, but we don’t know how to get there

• We know how to get there, but for some reason we don’t think we can do it.

• We have tried and failed and haven’t been able to start again.

Whatever your reason…know this:

• Many times our dreams contain the manifestation of our greatest personal gifts. We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to take time to explore and to develop these and to share them with the world.

• If you don’t know what you want for sure, allocate time each day (or week) to think about it. Set aside time to dream. Sometimes it helps to think about what you DON”T want first. I also know of many successful people that found their way by revisiting the aspirations of their youth; what did you want to be when you grew up? What did you dream about before all the real life commitments and responsibilities colored your plans? What do you enjoy doing now?

• If you know what you want, but don’t know how to get there: Find a mentor. Talk to someone who is doing what you dream of. Most people who have achieved success are happy to share their stories and give advice. If you can’t find a mentor, ask friends what they would do. Someone will give you the right answer once you send a question out into the universe. Surround yourself with positive people who support and encourage you. Read books on the subject.

• In the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “You must do the thing you think you cannot!” Start with writing down what you want. Put together a road map to get there and take a step. One step will lead to another and before you know it you will be doing things you only imagined. When you challenge yourself to accomplish great things in your life, you grow- whether or not you succeed immediately or fail a hundred times before succeeding. You learn what to do and what not to do, you gain confidence. The key is to start…baby steps!

• Good for you if you have tried and failed! Pat yourself on the back! Successful people will tell you that they almost always fail more times than they succeed. It is how they find their way through uncharted territory. You tried! Do you know how many people don’t even do that??? Now, ask yourself, “What happened?” Revise your approach and try again. Do not let a failure keep you from attaining your goal!

Take some time to dream and plan!  "Becoming" is good self care.

Self Care Primer: Spiritual Self Care

“Flowers do not force their way with great strife. Flowers open to perfection slowly in the sun.... Don't be in a hurry about spiritual matters. Go step by step, and be very sure.” – White Eagle

Who are you and what are you doing here?

An exploration of what spirituality is begins within how you answer these questions. You can see that there are as many right answers as there are people to answer them. Spirituality is complex and it is a very personal thing.

Spiritual Self Care is about fostering a positive perception of your purpose and meaning of life.

This broad definition encompasses belief in a higher power, our morals and values, nature, self-awareness, faith, hope, love, grace, and any other personal connections we have to the world around us.

Our spirituality is important because it dictates many of the decisions we make in life and it plays a huge part in our feelings of well-being. Preconceived notions of our personal abilities and limitations are often factored in when we make big life decisions. Our choices are also determined by religion, social mores, our connection with nature, our previous life experiences, the knowledge we gather over time and our personalities.

Here are some ways that people practice good spiritual self-care:

• Being open to different cultures and religions

• Giving your time to volunteer or participate in community service activities

• Spending time defining personal values and ethics and making decisions that complement them

• Spending time alone in personal reflection

• Participating in spiritual activities

• Participating in activities that protect the environment

• Caring about the welfare of others and acting out of that care

Self Care Primer: Social Self Care

“Enjoying the joys of others and suffering with them - these are the best guides for man” –Albert Einstein

Can you imagine what the world would be like if you were the only person in it?

“Lonely” and “meaningless” are the two words that come to my mind when I try to fathom that scenario. The thought causes me a little bit of panic too, as I consider what I would do if I didn’t have my husband or my son or the other important people in my life whom I care for and who care for me.

Ultimately, our relationships-other people- give our lives purpose.

Social self-care is about the nurturing and growth that we derive from our relationships with others. It is about our contribution to the lives of those we are committed to and responsible for and what benefit we bring to our communities and society.

It is about quality. On the whole, all humans have value and are worthy of our consideration, but good social self-care dictates that we discern between those who bring real value and meaning to our lives and those who detract from it. The quality of people we bring into our close personal circle matters!

People who practice good social self-care surround themselves with people who contribute positively to their lives. In turn, they share their own gifts that convey love, encouragement, validation as they seek to make the world a better place in which to live.

A few tips for practicing social self-care:

• Ultimately, social self-care starts with being comfortable with and liking yourself as a person. The more respect and value you have for yourself, the more you will be able to discern and attract others who possess the same qualities and the more beneficial your gift will be to others

• Surround yourself with positive, healthy people who validate you! Limit the time you spend with people who do not!

• Get involved in your community – volunteer!

• Make sure that you spend time with the people you love – make them your priority. Make sure they know how you feel about them.

• Encourage others to follow their dreams, to try again if they fail, and applaud their accomplishments.

• Assume good intentions. Believe that the majority of people in the world are good and mean well.

• Set healthy boundaries. Saying ‘no’ or asking for help when commitments or people overwhelm you is okay!

• Expose yourself to the influences of a wide variety of people. Open yourself to the views of different cultures, ages and belief systems.

Self Care Primer: Intellectual Self Care

“All of the top achievers I know are life-long learners... Looking for new skills, insights, and ideas. If they're not learning, they're not growing... not moving toward excellence.” – Denis Waitley

Mental (or intellectual) Self Care is all about getting energized by intellectually stimulating activities.

It may seem quite obvious that using your brain is good for you. It is something that you practice on some level every minute of every day. Like now, for instance, as you read this blog- you’re using brainpower to gather information, process it and to decide whether or not it is useful to you… (Or just fluff – LOL!).

Mental Self Care, however, requires a little more effort than what we naturally expend as we go about our daily lives. It is more than just the unconscious drone of our brains as we intake, sift, & react over to all we encounter in the course of our day. That is what we refer to as “just going through the motions”. Fortunately, most of us seek more out of life than being like a machine, and this is where mental self care comes in.

People, who practice good intellectual self care, generally do the following things:

• Seek knowledge. They explore subjects that interest them in depth.

• Seek a wide variety of learning experiences. They read, write, attend classes, discuss, debate and explore topics from multiple angles.

• They are observant of what is around them, mindfully employing all of their senses

• They listen.

• They find ways to apply what they learn

• They stay current with what is happening in the world an in their communities.

• They seek new experiences (e.g. travel, theater, arts)

The most important benefit of healthy intellectual self care is that it not only expands our minds, but it also grows our options. It makes us more capable, more creative, and it also increases our uniqueness as individuals. No two people know exactly the same things! What you know shapes who you are.

Exercise: What interests you? What are you currently exploring? Carve out time each day to read, or to explore something that interests you. Use all of your senses. Challenge yourself to take occasionally take an opposing viewpoint.

Self Care Primer: Emotional Self Care

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” ~Dale Carnegie

Did you know that every thought a woman has goes through the emotional part of her brain? It’s true! Men do not possess this same wiring.

This is not to say that women cannot be logical and concrete at times and it does not mean that men are always unemotional, it is simply evidence that our ways of thinking are different and do stem from a physiological basis. Also, one is not better than the other. There are times when an objective decision is needed and times when we should definitely be guided by our feelings.

Women’s biology makes us excellent caretakers and community builders. We are blessed with compassion and a strong sense for making connections and building relationships with others.

So, what is emotional self care?

Emotional self care is about feelings. It includes listening to your feelings, asking for what you need, and allowing yourself to express your thoughts in ways that are healthy and beneficial. It also includes receiving validation from others and being able to self-validate. Part of emotional self care is acceptance of your gifts; your uniqueness and individuality. All this sounds very simple, but it really is not always easy for most of us.

One of the challenges that we face as women is that sometimes we experience several feelings at once and it is difficult to discern exactly what we feel. We also may not know exactly what we need at a given moment. Emotional self care tools – like writing and walking and talking it out with a girlfriend can be very helpful.

There are other times where we know what we feel and need, but choose to not communicate these things. We have many reasons for doing this, we may be concerned about someone else’s feelings, we may be afraid of making someone angry- or getting angry ourselves. We may not want to be a burden on others, or we may think that someone cannot help. Emotional self care is about communicating. Stuffed feelings cause illness, and even though you think you are superwoman, you simply cannot do everything.

It is also true; sometimes our feelings are triggered by hormones. One day – or one week- out of every month, everything seems intensified and we just don’t deal well with other human beings. I personally experience one day a month where Mr. Self Care – poor guy- needs to stand clear or risk becoming the target of my mood swings. I cannot help it. Good emotional self care is about accepting that and communicating what you need: “It is not you…it’s me…I need some space today.”

Some great emotional self care tools:

• Chick Flicks! I think this is because these movies are validating, emotional and many times fantastical…watching is just good emotional exercise.

• Communication skills. For many of us this takes training and practice. Standing up for yourself and speaking your mind when it is called for is important to keeping negative stress out of your life.

• Girlfriends. Being able to talk things out and have your feelings, ideas and person validated is so important.

• Bubble baths, meditation and walking – calming activities that help you tune out and think are great for getting your head together.

• Writing. Getting thoughts down on paper and out of your head is a great way to sort them out.

• Exercise, Sleep and eating right. Physical self care. Exercise causes your body to release endorphins which create a positive mood. Eating healthy and getting lots of sleep keep you healthy and hormonally balanced.



Assignment: Think about emotional self care. Are there ways that you can incorporate or improve upon your current practices?

A Self Care Primer – Physical Self Care

“Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.” Jim Rohn

Physical self care is all about taking care of your body.

Some basic needs of physical self care are regular movement, good nutrition, fresh air, refreshing sleep and intimate touch.

Regular movement: Exercise impacts your health in so many ways. Did you know that your lymph system does not have a pump on it? Your lymph system is crucial for good immunity and it relies upon your physical movements to operate effectively. Also when you exercise, your body releases endorphins which give you a happier, more positive, outlook. It is recommended that you engage in a minimum of 20 minutes of exercise each day. Find activities that you enjoy and make them a regular part of your routine.

Good nutrition: The first rule of thumb here is simply to EAT! Do not skip meals. Food is your body’s fuel source- you NEED calories to function. To maintain a good metabolic rate, research shows you should eat every 3-4 hours. The second food rule is to eat a wide variety of quality food. Did you know that many of the ingredients in our processed food supply are foreign to our body? While your digestive system recognizes proteins and carbohydrates and fats, it gets a bit confused when we ask it to process ammonium acetate and Yellow #5. It is recommended that you eat food which is as unprocessed as possible. You should eat mostly complex carbohydrates and about a third of your diet should be lean protein.

Fresh Air: Rain or shine, it is important to spend a little time outside inhaling! Nothing smells better than fresh clean air after a rainstorm and the Vitamin D you get from the sun is the kind your body likes best.

Refreshing Sleep: I read recently that your body goes through 7 different stages of sleep, and that it needs a full cycle of each of these stages to recharge completely. One great bit of advice I got recently was to set the alarm for bedtime. Give yourself 8 hours, although most of us do well on about 7.5 hours.

Intimate Touch: Humans are social creatures; physical contact is a basic need. A recent study showed that women can lower their blood pressure by having their partner massage their neck for just 15 minutes (without sexual intent-which will most likely have the opposite effect.) Hugs are good for you too!

Self Care Exercise:  Take some time to consider ways that you might incorporate physical self care practices into your life each day. Small changes can have significant impacts when applied regularly.

The Zen of Gardening

Plants give us oxygen for the lungs and for the soul. ~Linda Solegato

I have spent the weekend in the garden, pulling weeds and trimming up hedges, making everything tidy and neat.  Digging in the dirt is meditative to me and it does my heart good to create outdoor spaces that are restful and reflective.  

Here are some pictures from our front garden and one from our back deck...

Sunshine Makes Me Happy

“May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.” -Irish Blessing

Finally we got some summer-like weather today!  I don't know about you but I have really been needing some sun!   One can only keep up a positive outlook during a record rainy June spell for so long!

Sunshine is incredibly good for the soul!   The light and warmth are mood-lifting, and people just seem friendlier on sunny days.   We got out in the garden today to weed and take an inventory of the state of our plants.  Pulled out our umbrella and patio furniture for lunch and listened and watched a softball tournement from our back patio.   There was a lot of summer noises all around.   Today just had "summer is finally here!" written all over it.

One of the most interesting things about the sun is that it is also very good for your body!  We hear a lot these days about the evils of sun exposure, and I think not enough about the benefits.   The sun is actually our best and biggest source of vitamin D.   Studies show that vitamin D is essential for building and maintaining healthy bones and muscles.  Deficiencies have been linked to various cancers, osteoporosis, heart disease and multiple sclerosis- just to name a few!  

You can get vitamin D from eating salmon or drinking fortified milk, but unlike dietary or supplementary vitamin D, the sunshine variety is better processed by our bodies which take what it needs, and de-metabolizes any extra. That’s critical, because too much ‘D’ from dietary supplements may cause the body to over-process calcium and nobody really knows for sure how much supplementary vitamin D is safe.

90 percent of the vitamin D we make comes naturally from sunlight exposure to our skin.  YOU NEED SUNLIGHT.  Just 10-15 minutes of sunbeam exposure a day is enough to replenish (If you skin is darker it may take another 5-10 minutes more than that to do the trick)    

Wearing sunblock (min 25 SPF) is still recommended and very smart self care- the good news is that Vitamin D is sunblock proof! 

Self Care Girl's Day Off!

 “The best cure for an off day is a day off” - Frank Tyger

I took a sick day from work today...(mostly because I am a bit sick of going there.)  =)

While I am certain that is not what the Board of Directors had in mind when sick leave was established, you will not find me making any apologies or excuses. I work hard and I get burned out easily.  When I need a day off to get my head straight,  I take it.
This blog is about self care, and good self care means sometimes taking a mental health day.

So today, when Mr Self Care kissed me goodbye and headed off to his cubical, I rolled over and went back to sleep.

I slept in. I did my morning yoga. I ate a healthy breakfast.  I am contemplating not getting out of my pajamas today.  And really I am already feeling much better.

If you have not taken a mental health day in a while (or ever) I highly recommend it.

Here is the secret Self Care Girl technique for taking a much needed mental health day from work....in three short steps:

1. Choose a day when you are not likely to impact work too badly. Nobody is going to do your work for you- it will be there when you return...unless, of course, you work in an environment where someone will have to fill in for you- in which case you must return the favor on the first opportunity that presents itself. (that is only fair). If you have kids- get a sitter (unless spending the day with the kids will be beneficial to your mental state). If you do NOT  have the optimal "light" day in your work week to choose from , then might I suggest that your need for a mental health day is more critical than you think. The best time to take a break is when you don't think you have time for one!
2. Email your boss ( this is the best form of communication for slipping under the radar). A quick and honest "I won't be in today, I am taking sick leave " in the subject line is all that is required. Avoid making excuses and don't send a message in the body of the email! Short and sweet is your aim. If you were really sick you wouldn't feel like explaining yourself right? So don't. Tomorrow, just tell anyone who seems to care (only those who ask fit in this catagory) that you are feeling much better after getting some much needed rest.
3. This day is all about you...It is not a day to catch up on housework or pay bills. Instead, sleep in a little late, go for a walk, mediate, meet a girlfriend for coffee, engage in your favorite hobby, take a bubble bath, read a good book.

Mental Health Days are good for you!