To Make Real Connections,You Don't Need An I-Phone

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.” – Jim Rohn

While lazing in the hotel pool on our wonderful Kauai vacation last month, Mr. Self Care and I observed a very unfortunate –albeit not uncommon- scenario. A thirty-something couple on vacation together in paradise spending all of their time apart.

We watched as the beautiful blonde (we will call her Barbie) stood leaning against a pool bar table – frou frou drink at her side as she zoned in completely on her I-phone. Her partner (who had a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger: hard not to look at) lounged in a chair at the pool about 20 yards away with his cell phone in hand, also texting.

I would like to believe that they were texting each other, however I am fairly certain they were not! The most unfortunate thing is that during the week we spent at this beautiful hotel in this fabulous piece of paradise, we could always find Barbie and Arnold in about the same configuration. We wondered what memories they would take away from Kauai. It definitely did not look like a restful or romantic vacation for either of them. They seemed busy, distracted, and oblivious to the importance of breaking free from their work (he mentioned that “corporate wanted (him) to call into a meeting”), and from the outside world, to enjoy a really meaningful vacation TOGETHER!

Friday posts are about social self-care. We need people in our lives. Spending quality time with our loved ones is good for our well-being and also one of our most compelling reasons for taking care of ourselves!

It is also a perfect time to employ some spiritual self-care, whereas you put yourself completely in the moment and give the person you are with, and the space you are occupying together, your full and undivided attention.

The person you are with will feel loved and respected and you will gain from a deepened relationship.

A few tips for spending quality time:

• Schedule one on one time. Two is company, three is a crowd.

• Go somewhere where the focus can be on each other. Ball games and movies –while enjoyable experiences- are a bit too distracting for this exercise.

• Turn off your phone! Unplug!

• Employ good listening techniques: eye contact, ask relevant questions to draw out more information, comment, repeat what has been said to ensure understanding.

• Touch. Hold hands, give a hug, pat on the head, give a smooch!.


It seems that in our busy, high –tech, ultra – connected, device driven world we are losing our ability to really connect with others. I challenge you to do something regularly to combat that trend!

Take Good Care!

Girlfriend Time is Good For You!

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown
My mother posted this article last week on her blog,   I thought it was relevant to self care and asked her if I might re-post it here.   Enjoy!


.. I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection--the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.


Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality "girlfriend time" helps us to create more seratonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings?--rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged--not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to shmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very very lucky. Sooooo let's toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it's very good for our health.
Mia Simmons, EFT Cert-1, ADV
Certified Practitioner

People Who Touched My Life This Week...

“Life's truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.”

Thank God Its Friday!  I have a bit of writer's block today.    So glad I made it through this week that I can barely conjur up a good discussion.   I think it is best when all else ecapes you, to just take a moment and show gratitude.  

No matter what happened this week, I am sure there were people who made your week memorable.

A few highlighted people in my life this week (this is by no means an exhaustive list) :

• Started with a pedicure and manicure.  Toy, at Gold Nails, was so sweet and she is an artiste!
• My son skyped me on Mother's Day, it was so good to see his face (even with a few scratches from falling off of his bike)
• My dear husband has been putting up with my packing and unpacking all week!  We sat out on the deck and ate pizza the other night and talked about our trip.
• My best friend, Mel, brought home Coronas and lime on Tuesday and tonight we went walking down by the river this evening.  I am so glad she has moved closer! 
• My friend and mentor, Keith, brought me chocolate covered Macadamia nuts and listened while I grumbled about work.   He always makes me feel so capable!
• Crystal, Dana, Michelle, P.J. Mom....thank you for lending me an ear!

I really am blessed by so many great friends! Your kindness and support means the world to me.  Thank you!

Diversity

“It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.” - Maya Angelou

I attended an interview today for a management position at work.   (I was on top of my game today and I think it all went very well!)

One question that I was asked was about dealing with diversity.   "Tell me about a situation where you were not successful or where you had difficulty dealing with diversity."   

Well,  I do not think I have ever had an issue with diversity, and I work in a VERY diverse group on an extremely global program within an international company.  Quite frankly I think that people who do have difficulty with diversity are in the extreme minority.   We are all diverse, but it seems that in our society we always use this term to describe a minority group.  And there seems to be a message here that we need to treat diversity with kid gloves- especially if you are not in the minority group.    This doesn't feel right to me.

My response to the question was that I couldn't think of any situation where diversity was an issue for me.   I suggested that perhaps my approach- to always respect people as individuals- pretty much made our diversity a moot point.  

What I have found is that no matter where people comes from, they all want to be respected and valued.   We are all diverse.  

What do you think?

Date Night

“Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a mans last romance.” - Oscar Wild

Ever since Mr Self Care and I entered into empty nest-dom, Date Night has not been a real priority for us. 

We come home from work to a quiet house, slip into comfortable, casual clothes and we just relax....no interruptions....just quiet togetherness

Or...

We don't go straight home from work.   We stop in at a Mexican restaurant and have a nice meal and conversation...or pop over to a bookstore and browse the racks...or drop by REI to peruse outdoorsy things.  

It seems every night is a Date Night now.

When we were actively parenting, Date Night used to be the second Saturday of every month.    We alternated planning the event and occaisionally adhered to a theme...

Drive-in movie, with burgers, fries and a milkshake...
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon movie at home with Chinese take-out...
Movies under the Moon (a community night time theater) in the park with a picnic dinner...
Ferry ride to Whidbey for Dinner and a movie

Our Date Nights have ranged from extravagant Fine Dining and Theater to the not-so-creative Red Robin and a movie. We have jumped aboard Dinner Trains and have splurged for Winemaker's Dinners, but we have also been known to stay home and plan a vacation, or play board games, or watch DVDs of British comedies we picked up at the library.  

We have always felt that designated "together time" is important, and Date nights...well they are just good self care.

When was the last time you went on a date?   If its been a while, I implore you to grab a sitter and give your sweetie a call...or email...or text...or IM and ask what they are doing tonight. 

If you can't get a sitter, put the kids to bed early and spend some time reconnecting with that person of your dreams.

Here are a 6 very inexpensive Date Night ideas:

1. Make his/her favorite dinner and then take an evening stroll
2. Have a picnic - lay out the blanket and dish up some KFC and potato salad.
3. Light up your fire pit or chimenea, sit outside with a beer or glass of wine and talk
4. Rent some DVDs and curl up on the couch together
5. Pull out some board games and serve up some appetizers
6. Make some big salads and fire up the Wii Fit.

Whatever you do tonight:  Have Fun!