10 Tips For A Happy Marriage

"My husband tells me quite regularly that he is my biggest fan. I tell him often, "I adore you." There is so much power in words. You need to celebrate regularly the passion in your marriage." - Donna Krech

I am by no means an expert on this subject, but from my own experience, these are some of the important ingredients to a happy marriage.

1) Choose the right partner. This is someone who shares your interests, supports your dreams, overlooks your faults and cares about your happiness.  (Don't marry a frog hoping that he will become a prince - that is a fairy tale!)

2) Be the right partner. (See the description above.)  Give 150%.

3) Act lovingly, especially at those moments when you aren’t feeling it.

4) Apologize when you are wrong. Forgive- don’t carry grudges.

5) Concede that you don’t always have to agree. The phrase “you might be right” is a good one to apply to those situations. 

6) Avoid situations that cause marital stress (home improvements), and show greater tolerance in those stressful situations  (family gatherings) that cannot be avoided.

7) Ask for what you need. Don’t expect your spouse to get your hints or read your mind.

8) Have regular date nights. These do not have to be expensive – a board game and finger foods, a nightly walk after dinner, or a picnic in a local park will do- the point is to have one on one alone time.

9) Give space when it is needed. Ask for space when you need it.

10) Get on the same page with your money. Money issues are the leading cause of marital strife. Develop a strategy for managing your money together and commit to it. Dave Ramsey.com is a great resource for this.


Happy 9th Anniversary to my best friend, Simon. I love you!

Focus On The Pluses & Not The Minuses.

"If you dig it don’t do it
And if you like it better leave it alone
And if it’s too much fun that outta clue you hon'
That you’re probably doing something that wrong
And if it’s too good to you well don’t let it fool you
Cause you’re playin in the danger zone
And I kept waitin and waitin for the man to finish,
but the sucker just went on and on….. on and on…. and on…..and on….. and on."

-The Uppity Blues Women , song about going to the doctor and getting advice that you need to stop everything that feels good because it's bad for you.

I finally made an appointment with my doctor last week for a check up.   (If you haven't seen your doctor for a while, make an appointment asap- regular check ups are good self care!)

My recent walking endeavor has been fairly fruitless.    Although I walk up to 6 miles a day I have only been able to lose about 2 lbs.  Losing weight is important to me, because I want to get off of my high blood pressure pills.   The conundrum I face is that I also have hypothyroidism which impacts my metabolism and makes it difficult to lose weight.  

Recently, I was reading an article about Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and found that I have a majority of the symptoms - which include hypothyroidism and high blood pressure and difficulty shedding excess weight. This is a fairly common disorder affecting about 1 in 10 women and it is a major cause of obesity and infertility.   While it is manageable, it is not curable.  The best way to manage is through a low sugar, low carb diet.     This is exactly what my doctor prescribed.    (And this is exactly what I feared.)

So I am going to be making some changes....

I was thinking yesterday that the best way to approach any necessary lifestyle change is to focus on what you are adding and not on what you are taking away.   The absence of artisan bread and cake from my diet will be very difficult to swallow (pun intended).  But I can still have yogurt and almonds and avocados, lovely virginia ham from Central Market, cheese and those wonderful summer tomatoes.    A good lean steak is also allowed and salmon and chicken and raspberries.  I think I need to make a list of these favorite flavors and make sure we are well-stocked.  

I will let you know soon how this is working for me.   Please let me know if you have anything to add on this subject.

Unlucky List of 13 : 13 Ways I Am Affected When I Don't Eat Healthy

"Garbage in....Garbage out" 

Having a challenging self care week.  

My diet has been abysmal and I have been working a lot of hours.  So this is my unlucky list of 13 ways that I am affected when I don't eat healthy and don't practice good self care (depressing- yes.  But this should serve as good warning not to try this at home!):

1)  I feel frumpy
2)  I feel bloated
3)  BLEH!
4)  We are walking in the evening still, but I can't seem to get the 6 miles
5)  I am tired
6)  I am unmotivated
7)  I am craving sugar
8)  ....and fat
9)  ....and salt
10) I am cranky
11) Mr Self Care is a dream...so tolerant and patient ( I believe he has written this off as PMS)
12) I don' want to do anything
13) I have a headache.

Nothing a salad and some detoxing won't cure!  UGH!

Empty Nests

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings.” Hodding Carter

I spent the weekend cleaning out my son's room.   It took while for me to get around to this.   Jake moved out over a year ago.   I didn't realize until I was in the midst of sorting that perhaps my procrastination had subconscious roots.  This task-that on its surface seems so simple- is rife with emotional significance.

I am sifting through the belongings that he didn't feel he needed anymore.  I have a pile of stuff to keep that might come in handy for grandkids someday.   I have a pile for charity.  I have a few boxes of belongings that I think he may have forgotten.   He told me not to worry about this, but I cannot help it.  I am a mom!

The past year has been all about letting go.  I have let go of my expectations for what he should do with his life.  (I have not let go of my hope that he will return to college someday!)  Cleaning out his room is just one more step along this journey.   These things- while sentimental- are really just things.  What is real and important will be retained even after we let them go.

The Care and Feeding of Dreams

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. - James Allen

Dreams.

Everybody has them: A vision for what the future could look like. We hope better, more positive- or just different-things will enter into our lives. We see ourselves doing different work, being surrounded by different priorities, living in different scenarios.


Few dreams just happen. Chance and Luck are relevant, but not necessary required. Most dreams take focus, hard work and persistence to come true. This explains why some people are very good at turning their dreams into reality. They recognize what is required and then set to work to make their dreams come true.

When a dream enters your life, how do you nurture it into fruition?


How to Care and Feed your Dreams:


1) Set aside time each day to just think about all the possibilities. I think well when I walk. You may find that you come up with your best ideas when you write, or do something artsy. Keeping a dream or idea journal is a great idea. Dreams and goals that are written down are more likely to be realized.

2) Dream big, dream small…Big dreams may take more effort and time, but achieving little dreams provides immediate gratification which may lend themselves well to bolstering your self esteem and setting some momentum for the tackling the larger dreams.

3) Believe you can do anything you set your mind to. You can!

4) Start. Even if you think you don’t have enough information. Even if you don’t really know what to do first. People become experts in their field by experiencing uncertainty and finding a way. You don’t have to do things like everyone else…You just have to find out what works for you! As you begin, the right direction will become clearer to you.

5) Tell others what you are doing and accept their offers to help out. Often times someone you know knows someone who can help you or has the information you need to get to the next step. Believe that the universe will provide everything you need to know. Then watch for signs!

6) If you fail, try again. View failure as information and not as a set back. You may learn 100 ways not to do things while you are sorting out the right ways.

7) Show gratitude along the way to those who help, for what is working, for what you have learned and for what you currently have.

8) Surround yourself with positive, happy, encouraging people and be that person to others! Our lives are too short to let negative, sad people stand in our way.

9) Read what others have done to make their dreams come true. Research relevant topics well so you can take calculated risks when decisions are required.

10) Celebrate your successes big and small!

Make Your Own Self Care Rules

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” -Julius Charles Hare

Running seems to be all the rage lately.

Many of my friends have taken up running just this year.    In fact, more than a dozen of my friends participated in the Seattle Rock N Roll marathon last weekend. This was the first BIG race for many of them.

I don’t run, but I thoroughly enjoyed the victorious comments of my runner friends as they reported crossing the finish line last week.   It was so inspiring to see people working and achieving their goals, and the excitement was just infectious. I am glad that I could be a part of their success- even if it was only in the context of rooting for them and giving them some sincere kudos when they finished. The whole experience made me long to join their rank.


Except for one small, teensy, weensy problem…..I am fairly certain I hate running and won’t be liking it anytime soon.

Over the last two weeks, I have let go of some of the pressures I had been putting on myself to start 5K training. When I run, my feet hurt. I am bored out of my mind. My knees ache. It is just not fun for me.  I don’t enjoy it. End of story.

Instead, I have discovered I am just a damn good walker. I can easily walk 6 miles on a weekday (more if I wasn’t time constrained) and last weekend alone I walked 25 miles in two days! When it comes to the walk….I actually, ROCK!

I am way too stubborn to admit that I can’t do something. I believe strongly that we can accomplish just about anything we put our minds to- someday I may just lace up my shoes and get focused, but for today I am enjoying my walks and I know that it is just as good for me physically.

Do not be too hard on yourself when you are working on your self-care. Self-care should be enjoyable and not difficult or stressful! Make your own rules! Pick the things that you like to do and do a little bit of it every day.  This really is the best way to take good care.

Surround Yourself With Positive, Happy People.

“The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement. Yet, almost no one gets the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the wildest dreams. We would have more than one Einstein, Edison, Schweitzer, Mother Theresa, Dr. Salk and other great minds in a century.” – Sydney Madwed.

I encountered a little negativity this week when discussing my adventures in Self Care...
To my face:

“Not to be negative….” She began, and I braced myself for what followed, (which would no doubt be very negative) “but, why would anyone listen to you on the subject of Self Care?” (OUCH!)

Behind my back (paraphrased of course):

“Is she suddenly an expert on self care or something?” she asked snidely, “or is this just her current interest, so she feels she has to tell everyone about it”

Hmmm…Do I really feel the need to justify, explain or defend myself here? Not really. I believe in what I am doing, and-really- the amount of positive feedback I have received far outweighs the two negative ones.

Some people are mean. Some people are negative and insecure and a little sad. It doesn’t matter if you are attempting to do solve world hunger or save a few dollars on your grocery bill each week by clipping coupons – everyone has an opinion and invariably those bitter people who have nothing good to say about anything will feel the need to comment.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately, for them) neither of these people know me very well. I have kept them at a distance for reasons that are probably very apparent to you now. When I heard these comments I was initially hurt…I went for a walk….and I put it into the right perspective.

“I am not an expert on self care,” I had told the first critic, “I am learning and I am actually quite average at it…. So, while 50% of women know more than I do, certainly the 50% who don’t know as much can learn along with me, don’t you think?”

I did not address the second person, but I had asked her to lend her talents to my project and I don’t think I need her help anymore.

If you are one of these people: Please recognize that you are not adding anything positive to the world by being negative. Time to look within! What is going on inside that you can’t encourage others to be the best that they can be?

If you have one of these people in your life: Distance yourself. You get to choose who you let into your circle. Choose the positive, happy, loving people who believe in you and you will accomplish amazing things.

Surrounding yourself with positive people is just good self care.

Take Good Care!